


When I realized that getting in trouble, alone, was not so great

by 0Hedvig0



Series: My name is Rian [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Denial, During Canon, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Major Character Injury, My First Work in This Fandom, My name is Rian, My own scenes, POV First Person, POV Multiple, Pre-Relationship, Rian Ryder is my Male Ryder, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-16 13:06:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11253564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Hedvig0/pseuds/0Hedvig0
Summary: (Set post Jaals loyalty mission, on Havarl)I felt out of place, that's why I decided to give them some space. Oh man, I wish now I didn't.*Second draft*





	When I realized that getting in trouble, alone, was not so great

**Author's Note:**

> Parts will be added in time in no special order.
> 
> English not my first language so expect typos and laziness (like "cant" without ' )
> 
> Bad at tagging
> 
> ["blabla"] =SAM's private conversations with Ryder  
> 'blabla' = Ryder thinking

I stare outside the window of the shuttle to the sound of happy voices in the background. My mind have been spinning ever since we left with Jaals brothers and sister. I still could see in slow motion how that bullet graced Jaals cheek. 

My fists clenches of hatred. Both at Aksul and how that bastard could go through with that, but also at myself. 

‘I risked Jaals life, if Aksul hadn’t missed Jaal would be-’

I couldn’t finish that thought and quickly tore my gaze away from the window down at my glowed hands, that still clenched hard. If the bullet had hit it would have been another innocent life on my shoulder. 

I trusted Jaal, to not shoot. But a part of me wished I pulled the trigger. Aksul had brought so much pain to families and twisted minds to suit his. 

‘But even he has a reason to be like this’

I knew about Aksul, and what happened to him, that’s why I’m disgusted by the one part of me who only saw the darkness in him. That’s not me. 

‘Or atleast I don’t think so...’

This new thoughts I’m having make me doubt myself. What if I’m as bad as the Roekaar, because they fight for what they believe in.

‘Just like me…’

Who is the one to deside that what I do is the right thing and theirs is the bad. What if in the end I’m the one who make a choice that turns into failure for everyone. Because for some reason they seemed to think I hold all the answers or solutions, but it’s not me, it’s SAM. SAM is the one who makes all of this possible, and SAM exist just because of my parents. It have nothing to do with me. I wasn’t even meant to be pathfinder. My dad only did that to save me. I’m not as smart as Cora, she is the one who was training to be this. My dad didn’t choose me from the beginning so who am I to think that what I do is the right thing?

["Pathfinder, I read an increasing heartbeat"] SAM’s voice was barely noticable. It was like I was under water, drowning in my own guilt and pressure.

An inhuman hand suddenly came into view and settled over one of mine. I bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn’t turn mine to hold his as an attempt to seek foothold for my mind.

“Ryder?” I heard his voice loud and clear, but I choosed to ignore it and held my gaze on my hands, but then Jaal took my hand between his and the tone he had turned softer “Ryder, look at me”.

It was a voice I found out that I couldn’t ignore, and slowly raised my head to look at him. Our eyes met and it was like that’s all I needed. The guilt that burned like the wildest fire inside of me turned into something beautiful, and I was left with the softest warmth in my chest. Hours in this shuttle to travel back to Pelaav and now I could finally _breathe_. 

“Thank you” he whispered.

I stiffened by the words and my eyes widened while staring at Jaal.

“W-wh, wha…?” I stammered and something brought a smile on Jaals lips. For a moment it looked like the blue eyes in front of me sparkled of an emotion I didn’t recognize from before.

“I never thought that you Ryder would be loss of words” Jaals voice was soft but teasing. I snorted at him shaking my head and then looked away.

“But thank you for the deep trust you showed that you have in me” his words forced me to look back at him.

I was speechless and just continued staring at him, but when I felt my cheeks warming up I shrugged as it was nothing and smiled.

“No need to thank me, man” I tried to sound like my thoughts didn’t fought with each other “Of course I trust you”. 

Jaal gave me another smile which naturally made my lips do the same.

The shuttle landed with a silente thunk, that’s when I noticed how quiet it was. The buzzing sound from the shuttles engines was the only thing I heard and I slowly turned my head where three pair of eyes met mine. Jaals siblings looked at me, then at Jaal, then at me again. Then their gazes moved downwards and I followed them to where my hand still was between Jalls, but I had unconsciously turned my hand and now held his in a gentle grip. 

‘Shit’

I quickly took away my hand and cleared my throat.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay then. Maybe we should- Yeah we should“ I rambled while deliberately not looking at anyone and took my helmet. I escaped the shuttle with hurried mumblings behind my back. 

‘That’s just great, way to make an first impression dude!’

I wanted to punch myself for not thinking, but then saw Cody waving at me and I turned walking towards her instead. The bright smile on her lips made me feel a little better and I met her with one of my own.

“Ryder, Ryder, where have you been my whole life” she said like always and her eyes crinkled by the big smile she gave me.

“Longing for you my dear, dreaming of that sweet aura surrounding you” I said sweetly and dumped my helmet on one of her big boxes before leaning against it.  
Cody laughed.

“Oh you big doofus, making me blush” she said with her thick accent then turned to gather the supply I asked for before this mission and reached the bag towards me “Here you go beautiful”.

I bowed my head.

“Thank you for this gift, say anything and it’s yours my dear lady” I said softly still bowing my head. 

“How about the 500 credit you’re owe me for that” She answered with a monotone voice.

I snorted and glared at her.

“What a rip off, way to take all my money” I mumbled while fumbling with my omnitool.

Cody snickered then leaned up and gave me a light kiss on my cheek.

“If only you swung my way” she whispered in my ear and I smiled shyly at her when she leaned back to look into my eyes.

“Yeah, well, sorry not sorry?” I shrugged and it made Cody laugh which the sight of gave a satisfied smile on my lips.

“Yeah yeah, now go away. You’re scaring of my customers” She began pushing me away, but with my heavy armor on she didn’t stand a chance moving me.

“Okay, okay” I sighed and started to walk away but then said over my shoulder “To bad I’m your only customer”.

I snickered to myself by the sound of Cody’s mutter while I casually walked towards Jaal, but I stopped by the sight. 

-

I gave Jaal a quick glance then without a word left him with his brothers and sister and mothers. With his mothers there it suddenly felt like I was intruding just by standing near by, so I went down the platform to give them some space. But with the vault restored I wanted to see if the area had become even more beautiful, so it wasn’t as I was suffering by some alone time.

I wasn’t going to go far, that would be stupid. I already knew what was out there so I would keep my distance. I could still see clearly the family high up on the platform, and once again I threw a glance to the one angara in blue, before sighing. 

Jaal stood with one of his mothers and the sight made me think about the last time I saw mine, and the memory still felt as fresh and painful as it happened yesterday. The day where my life suddenly made less sense felt like it was always going to haunt me, when my mom said goodbye. 

  I rubbed a glowed hand over my chest, the feeling barely noticeable under my armor, then shook my head to clear it. The thoughts and memories making the air too heavy to breathe, and I continued down the path to keep myself busy.

The strange forest slowly came closer. It was strange, if you compare it to Earth, but it was absolutely beautiful. It made me think about a dreamland, _without_ the creatures trying to kill me. The glowing colors illuminate the dark environment that always seemed to be here. And then it was the flying… 

I stopped and furrowed my brows, looking up at the flying things above me. 

‘What the fuck are those flying seaweeds?’ 

They suddenly gave me a shout, as they heard my thoughts. And with all the strange things going on now I wouldn't be surprised if they did. 

“Yeah, yeah” I mumbled to myself before giving in and laid a hand beside my mouth, shouting “You look like it, and you know it!” but then I remembered and continued “I know you don’t, but its not as bad as it sounds. You just look seaweedish and slimy!” 

I sighed for myself, because that didn’t sound any better. I was going to try again, when I heard Jaals voice from above me and I stiffened. 

“Ryder, you know they don’t understand you, right?” 

I turned with a smile, trying to look casual and shrugged. 

“Yeah…. I know” I tried, but It sounded as false as it was and from here I could see Jaals family look at me with strange eyes, before Jaal said something that made them laugh. 

‘And there goes the slightest chance to get them to like me’ 

I bowed my head and for the first time ever I was embarrassed by myself, and that said something. After everything I have ever done in my days, from dancing on tables to finding myself in the most awkward situations, I now have reached my limit. 

Slowly I began walking back to Jaal, when something suddenly grabbed me by my leg, like sharp teethes digging through my armor. 

“What the f-” the words and breath left me as I was thrown to the ground and dragged away. 

Panic filled me as I looked down, and saw nothing. I scrambled for my pistol but I soon realized that the nothing began dragging me towards the deep forest, and instead I grabbed whatever I could reach to keep it from doing that. But what I could reach broke in my grip by the force I was dragged in. 

“Jaal!” I screamed and tried to see the angaran before the trees swallowed me whole. 

But my voice only made the nothing to pick up the pace and while I desperately tried to get a hold on something, I was avoiding from getting hit in the head by stones sticking up from the ground. 

My helmet laid safe on one of Cody’s boxes, because what could go wrong? ‘Yeah, a fucking invisible fucker biting my leg of while dragging me deep in the woods! That is what the fuck can happen!’ 

I tried to kick at the nothing, but it only bit deeper into my leg making me growl in pain. But I didn't stop. Even with branches and their twigs cutting my face I never stopped kicking. I kicked, and kicked. 

“Let. Me. Go. You. Fucking” I stopped talking when the grip around my calf suddenly disappeared. 

A sound behind made me quickly grab my pistol and point it at the shadows. Strained breaths left my lips when the adrenaline slowly left me with a searing pain in my leg, making the only sound in the unusual silence. Even the seaweed birds had stopped their shouting. 

Seconds went by with nothing happening, and slowly I lowered my gun with trembling hands. My body protested when I turned to oversee the wounds. I groaned by the movement but stifled the sound when I saw my leg. 

["Pathfinder, your health deteriorates in an detrimental speed"] 

What SAM said I already knew by looking at my leg. Blood was slowly pouring from the holes in my armor that I guessed was from sharp teethes, and I gritted my teethes when I tried to move the leg. 

“Fuck” I gasped when the pain became too much, and I left the leg alone to look at my surroundings. 

["I detect movements nearing, Pathfinder"] SAM said with the usual calm voice.

That got me to move, the nothing seemed to want some delicious Ryder-snack. I tried to stand, but the leg folded under me. It couldn't hold me up so I turned to kneel on my unwounded one, keeping the wounded relaxed. Then I pushed myself to stand, but when I felt how unstable everything was I quickly searched for something I could use as a cane. I stopped when I heard voices, and then sighed in relief. 

“I’m here guys” I said with a strained voice while trying to keep me from falling on my ass.  
The blood loss has to be more serious than I thought because my sight became dizzy for a moment when I tried to take a step forward, towards the voices. 

“Jaa-” I stopped when I saw an angara, then another, then another. It wasn't Jaal. 

I quickly took a step back by the angry looks in the angaras eyes. ‘Oh boy, this is NOT going to go well.’ 

 

\- 

 

Jaal blood went cold. He had heard Ryder calling for him, but he didn't understand the seriousness by it. Not before he saw him being dragged into the forest by a Challyrion. 

“Call for reinforcements, then go and get Liam!” Jaal said then jumped over the edge and landed smoothly on the ground. 

He heard the hurried commotions behind him. A lot of them had seen or heard what happened, and after everything Ryder have done to them here on Havarl they considered him as an trustfully soul. 

The forest went past him in a blur when he ran to catch up. Jaal felt his muscles work in sync and tried to get his mind to work as great, but the only thing he could think about was the panic he had seen in Ryders eyes before he disappeared, being dragged away from safety. 

He knew Ryder was a soldier, and he tried to calm himself with memories where Ryder came through and in the end stood alive in front of Jaal. 

The clear sound of someone's harsh breaths, hands desperately trying to grab something, sound of a body being slammed against branches and stones, made it easy for Jaal to follow. But as he ran, he started to recognize the surroundings and his blood became even colder. He knew this place, and that made him push even harder to run faster. 

\- 

“Guys” I started slowly and raised my hands in surrender “I didn't mean to intrude, it wasn't in my intention to disturb you in your-” I quickly looked around for anything to say while taking another step back, hiding the discomfort in my face because I used my wounded leg. 

Standing I now noticed cards laying on something that looked like a table, and nodded towards it. 

“- your card game, so I really should..” I pointed with my thumb over the shoulder and took another step back “.. just go” but I got a gun pipe right in front of me. 

I made a face and nodded, mumbling “Or maybe not” 

["Pathfinder, I don’t think the maneuver you are doing is working"] SAM said and I wanted to roll my eyes.

“ _Yeah_ , no kidding” i whispered to myself.

The angara pointing the gun at me sneered. 

“You did all of this, this is your doing. You got our people killed, now you going to be killed” 

“Woah, woah, woah” I hurried and felt the pulse picking up “I didn't kill your people-” 

“You got my children to join the Roekaar” the angara cut off and the spat “Without you and your arrival that gave the other aliens a chance, my children would never done that, and they never would have gotten killed” 

The angara pushed the gun pipe against my forehead, and the feeling of cold metal made me swallow hard. I tried to keep my cool, but it was hard when you got a gun aimed straight at your head. If the angaran didn't like what I said, or just felt like it, my head would be blown away. Literally blown away, in little pieces, like brain mush, nothing left. 

‘And I really don't want to die’ 

“You really don't want to shoot me, don't you?” I tried to sound calm. I don't think I succeeded because the angaran smiled visciously at me, but then he shook his head. 

“No, no I don't” he said and took a step back lowering the gun. 

I took a deep breath and started to relax, but stiffened when I heard a growl. I knew that growl. I had heard that many times, too many. 

'They can’t be serious!' 

“Not I, but this one wants to kill you” the angaran said satisfied and our eyes met. 

I didn’t hear the command, just felt it. Claws tearing at my armor, trying to get through to my chest. I fell backwards by the weight of the Challyrion. 

I fought back. With every ounce of my body and energy I got left, I fought back. But it wasn't enough, I felt pieces of my armor being torn of, exposing my weakness. Myself. 

 

\- 

 

Jaal turned his head, left and right. He was in Roekaar territory, and he was lost. No sound was heard, it was like someone, or something, was keeping him from hearing. Every second that went by Jaal felt the panic build up inside his chest. All he could think about was Ryder and what he possibly was going through now. Or maybe... he’s already dead? 

Jaal growled in frustration, because there wasn't any world good enough if Ryder wasn't in it. Ryder was his friend. Ryder was his _special_ friend, and after everything he done to keep Jaals people, and now family, alive there is no way that he’s giving up hope to find him. 

“Jaal, I have noticed that you have stopped running” SAM’s voice was clear in the unusual silence, and Jaal clenched his fists. 

“Yes, _SAM_. I don’t know which way to run” Jaals frustration was sippering over to his tone, but SAM’s response made the angara stiffen. 

“Why don’t you go to this navpoint” Jaals omnitool pinged and showed a location “This is where the Pathfinder is kept, but I would hurry. His pulse is slowly weakening” 

Jaals gave a sound of appreciation and started running. 

“I have never been more glad to have you with me SAM” he said while running as fast as he can. 

“And I want to warn you about several opponents ahead, they seem to be Roekaar” 

Jaals face was set in anger. As he suspected, it was Roekaar behind this assault on Ryder. These Roekaar have gone too far. Ryder isn't a threat to no one but those who want to hurt others. 

In Jaals eyes Ryder is like a young karkyn. He is clumsy with everything that isn't a pistol, and he doesn’t think before doing or saying anything. But Ryder is also full of tenderness, and also, Jaal have never seen more beautiful eyes. They are like the crystals in Ayas waterfalls, the lightest blue. And like the crystals Ryders eyes shines, but not only with the crystals beauty. No these ones also shines with the sweetest kindness, and Jaal have adored them from the first time they met his. 

Jaal felt a stabbing pain in his chest, because what if the last time Ryder looked at him was the last time they were full of life. By the memory he could still feel the soft skin of Ryders hand against his and how he felt by the loss of its warmth when Ryder pulled away.  
Jaal pushed forward. 

“Please hurry Jaal, Ryders heart can not keep up the blood loss. We are loosing him” For Jaal SAM’s words was like pouring fuel over fire and he felt his whole body run hot by all the panic. 

Jaal passed through some bushes and came to a clearing, but abruptly came to a stop and his eyes widened by the sight. The seconds felt like hours when their eyes met. Those crystal blue, almost white eyes that he absolutely loved, they where no longer full of kindness. Instead they were filled with pain, and to Jaals fear they had the sign of near death. But when Ryder realized that Jaal was there they changed from that to calm, almost at peace, and that made Jaal more afraid. It was like the sight of Jaal made it okay to die and Ryder lowered his hands and stopped fighting the clawing Challyrion. 

Jaal was quick and reached for his gun, giving the creature a clean shot into its head, and it fell off Ryder. He ran towards Ryder and felt dread fill him the more he saw. The chest plate was torn away and the suit over his chest was ripped into pieces. Claw marks had cut deep into the tanned skin.  
Jaal hushed when Ryder tried to speak and kneeled beside him. Tears burned in his eyes, but Jaal focused on the blue ones in front of him. 

“Don't speak, I will get you to safety. I will make everything okay-” 

“Back away from the alien!” Jaals head shot up and he stared at the other angaran walking towards them.  
With a silent gasp he recognized the face as one of his cousins, and that struck him harder. His own family and blood was the responsible ones. 

“You did this, Otu” he spat and pressed a hand against one of the deeper wounds, making Ryder groan painfully. But with the blood flow Jaal needed to keep a hard pressure. 

“It deserved this, without it our family wouldn't have lost Unik and Loknu” Otu said and nodded towards Ryder “It makes me sick that you don't feel ashamed touching it” 

“He is not an _it_ ” Jaal growled and looked at Ryder “He is-” 

Ryder started coughing, and shock made that it took a second before Jaal registered the blood spraying from his mouth. Jaal shook his head. 

“ _No_ ” he whispered with tears burning in his eyes and caressed Ryders cheek when the coughing stopped. 

Ryders eyes became dimmed, but not before they for a second got that same look they usual had, _kindness_. And Jaal found himself giving a sad smile towards the one he never in his life would have thought he would find intriguing. Ryder was an alien that traveled across the darkness, and someone Jaal from the first second had been cautious with. But then Ryder showed Jaal who he really was, the hidden beauty inside him that was as beautiful as the outside, and there was no way stopping Jaal from adore this whole human. 

Ryder laid an heavy hand over Jaals where it still caressed Ryders cheek. Their eyes met once again, and Jaal didn’t like what he saw. Ryder nodded slowly pressing Jaals hand closer to his cheek.

“Jaal, it’s… o- _kay_ ” Ryders voice became only a breath at the end, and the hand laying over Jaals fell down. 

Jaal stared with hollow eyes at the lifeless blue ones that stared back at him. But suddenly a sharp and deep pain filled him, making it hard to breathe and it was blinding him with such hatred he had never felt before. Suddenly he was standing and pointing his gun at Otu. 

“What have you done?!” he roared feeling his finger twitch over the trigger. 

Otu took a step towards Jaal. 

“I did what had to be done” 

“The only thing you have done is killing the only one who can save us!” Otu stiffen by Jaals words and looked with confusion at him “Ryder was the only one who knew what has to be done to beat the kett. You have doomed us all!” Jaal felt his throat thicken “You have killed the one who gave the Moshae back to our people, the one who healed Havarl. The one who just hours ago saved my brothers and sister from sharing the same fate as Unik and Loknu”. 

Otus gaze shifted down to the shell that before was Ryder, and Jaal thought he saw regret, but then Otu shook his head. 

“You are just brainwashed” Otu pointed his gun at Jaal “I have to save you from it” and a shot went off. 

Jaal saw Otu fall down in front of him, then looked over his shoulder where Evfra lowered his gun. Their eyes met and Evfra nodded at him, then suddenly the camp was surrounded by Resistance and the Roekaar that stood by Otu surrender without any fight. 

“ _No_ , this can’t be happening” Jaal closed his eyes when he heard Liams destroyed voice, then turned to see the other human lower himself with eyes locked on the lifeless body that once was his best friend. 

“Jaal, Liam. I have given Ryders heart and brain electro pulses to keep the body from expire completely” SAM’s voice chimed, taking Jaal out of his trance of shock. 

Liam was the first to react. 

“What are you saying SAM?” his voice sounded hopeful but also like he tried to keep his hopes down and Jaal walked towards him, awaiting SAM’s response. 

“Altering words. If you take Ryders body to Pelaav, there is enough equipment to save Ryders life” 

Jaal didn’t give it a second thought. He scooped up Ryder in his arms and began running towards the outpost. If there is the slightest chance to save Ryder he would take it. 

 

\- 

 

The first thing I noticed was the headache, but it was quickly dampened by the gruesome pain in my chest. The sudden feeling as something has exploded in it made me want to scream, but my mouth didn't move. Instead I noticed a warmth around my left hand and I twitched it to figure out what it was, and that got movements from both left and right. 

“Lexi, his hand moved!” 

“Yes, I saw that Liam” 

“Is… is he waking up?” 

“I don't know yet Jaal” 

“My readings says that he is already awake. Hello Ryder” 

I groaned but it sounded more like feathers was stuffed in my mouth, it felt like it too. When I tried to move several hands suddenly was on my shoulders to stop me. 

“Please Ryder, for once can you be still and listen to me” 

“I don’t now Lexi” I said with a weak voice “I don't want to get your hopes up” 

“You are impossible” Lexi said and I gave her a hoarse laugh but stopped by the pain it gave me “Serves you well” she muttered at me. 

I slowly opened my eyes, and when the dizziness disappeared I said tiredly. 

“Aww, you guys” I smiled at the sight of the whole group from the Tempest was standing in the medical room “I _knew_ you loved me”. 

That put a smile on every ones lips, but their eyes were still looking at me with concern. I waved my trembling hand over my chest. 

“Don't worry, this is nothing-” 

“To hell that's nothing” Surprised I looked at Peebee who stood with crossed arms and impatient pose, as she was trying to stop herself from doing something. 

“Yeah, the little blue is right Ryder” Drack jumped in with his rough voice and I looked between the asari and krogan. 

“It’s okay guys-” I was cut off by Lexi who flashed in my eyes with a flashlight. I glared at her when she was done, then turned to the others “I will be battleworthy in no time” I hauled myself up and sat with my back resting against the wall. I held my arms out and said as light as i could “See, already progressing”. 

They all looked at me with something that I couldn't read, so I lowered my arms and furrowed my brows in confusion. 

“ _What?_ ” I said and slumped a little, drained of energy from my struggle to sit. 

“You are an complete idiot, Ryder” Peebee mumbled and then left. 

Gil nodded. 

“What she said” and then Gil also left me. 

I followed him with my tired eyes wide open, then turned to look at the others. 

“What did I _say_?” I said but the room cleared with everyone shaking their head and giving me an insult, and I couldn't help feeling that I did something wrong. 

‘It wouldn't be the first...or last, if I’m honest’ 

Lexi was the only one left, standing in the corner. I looked at her while she wrote something on the tablet, totally ignoring me. Having her here didn't help, because she is the doctor, she _has_ to stay. Or maybe I die, and for real this time. 

I sighed and looked away while slowly lower me down onto the bed again. I tried to ignore my brains attempt to remember what happened to me. Claws tearing my chest open. 

I gazed over my bandaged chest and swallowed thickly, before looking up at the ceiling. I remembered _everything_. 

“I want to give you another round of healing fluid” Lexis voice cut off my thoughts and I quickly looked at her, nodding. 

“Yeah, sure” I breathed and turned my eyes towards the ceiling again, the burn and pain almost overwhelming by now. 

“Do you... do you want anything for the pain?” Lexis voice was almost like a soft whisper, and I slowly shook my head “You sure?” I nodded. 

I felt a sting in my arm. 

“I’m leaving you alone so you can sleep” she said and I wanted to give her a sarcastic snort, but stayed quiet. She didn't know about my trouble sleeping that had been going on a while now. 

“SAM?” I mumbled into the shadows when I knew Lexi was out of earshot. 

[“Yes, Ryder”] 

“Is there _anything_ I can do to speed the recovery?” 

SAM was quite for a moment. 

[“Nothing Dr. T’ Perro would approve”] 

“ _SAM_ , what is it?” I said and sat up, grimacing while doing it. 

[“Dr. T’ Perro have a substance in a white bottle, on the shelf to your left. But i wouldn't recommend using it”] 

“Why is that?” I said but still reached for it and looked at the simple white bottle. 

[“She hasn't tested it and it may bring you discomfort”] 

“Will I _die_?” I said slowly and turned the bottle in my hand. 

[“... no”] 

“Then great! tell me how much I should drink” 

[“You don't. You smear it on your wounds and in some hours they should close enough to stop the bleeding completely”] 

I hummed thoughtfully. 

“I wonder why she didn't give me some” I mumbled and screwed of the cork. I warily neared the bottle with my nose and smelled, but quickly pulled back at the stench. 

[“ My guess is, she didn't want to risk anything by giving you something untested”] 

I nodded, because that sounded just like Lexi. She doesn't want to risk the life of the one who can handle the Remnant. Even if it meant everything could take a little longer to be resolved. 

“Yeah” I sighed then looked down at my aching chest “ but many lives is in stake and it’s my responsibility. I can’t lay here like a lazy toad” 

[“To be correct, a toad wasn't an lazy animal. They wandered a distance that seemed far to them”] 

I groaned. 

“Not now SAM” I whined, but then stilled by a thought “ _Who_ got you to gather information about toads?” 

[“No one. But you mother liked to talk about different beings while working on me”] 

What SAM said made me smile and puff through my nose, fondly shaking my head. 

“Yeah, she really loved all animals” I mumbled, mostly to myself, and poured some of the content onto my palm. My face twisted to disgust at the feeling of it “Oh my _god_ , what the fuck is this goo”. 

[“As I said, it is a substance-”] 

“SAM!” I cut of, then whispered “Not a serious question”


End file.
